Wow....So. I found this blog. Of a woman whos husband was killed in Afghanistan....She is so strong in my opinion. But it really made me think "What will I do if Michael doesn't come home"? Typing that question alone put me in tears again....And the truth is if Michael doesn't come home to me, I can't promise that I will go long without him. As morbid and ugly as that sounds I firmly believe that...The thought of not being able to talk to him, see him, have him cuddle to me, listen to him whisper I love you very softly into my ear, make me laugh because he is such a nerd. Explain something when I don't understand or tell me how insane I am being...I just...I cannot even fathom him not coming home...And I pray it is NEVER a truth I have to come to terms with...I love him. And unfortunately him being in the Army makes it very possible that he won't come home...God...I can't loose him...I have been trying to think of why god would take him away from me...Why he would put us through so much just to yank him out of my life in a second...And while most of me believes he wouldn't do that...the other parts of me are scared to death that I will wake up at 3am to a phone call telling me that the love of my life will not be coming home to me. And in those 20 seconds my whole world will fall apart...The thought of that happening makes me sad for my loved ones...Because they are the ones who will have to watch me completely change, watch me become a shell of who I am...And watch me become a person I might not snap out of...
Sorry that this is such a downer and morbid post....But I feel like people don't talk about the dark ugly fears, and for those of you who know me I'm NOT afraid to wear my heart on my sleeve. I'm not afraid to stand on a table and say "THIS FUCKING SUCKS BECAUSE..." *Sigh*
K I'll be done now lol. If only 8:30 would hurry up! I wanna talk to my boy :(
Remember we're all a little mad here
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Hun, we all think this sometimes. Hell, I can't lie, we all think this all the time. I've broken down bawling in my car because it just randomly takes over.
ReplyDeleteIt's like all of us are constantly holding off those feelings like flood waters, sometimes they breech our barriers and we have days like the one you're having.
Yeah...I feel like my walls have been VERY weak recently and it is just majorly bringing me down. I got to talk to Michael tonight, and he promised to come home to me. He told me that no matter what happens I will be his one and only and that he cannot wait to hold me again. *Sigh* idk. maybe it's just starting to really sink in that he is gone. And that he won't be back for AT LEAST 9 more months. And I don't even know for sure on that. But thank you for the love, I needed it :)
ReplyDelete