First off that's the thing I made for Michael :) yay me! Also I am listening to Paramore while I type this. Just in case you care. Mostly "We are Broken"
Now to the big stuff.....
So we all know from my last post that there is the whole two guy issue going on in my life. I haven't heard from my ex since he got to bootcamp and I have no idea why. Right now so many worries are going through my head like: "Has he realized I wasn't worth it and left me here wondering what if?" "Did something bad happen" "Did he loose my address?" There is just so much racing through my mind. I really hope he's ok.
But I came up with a plan for Michael and I so that we could get through the two guy thing as best we could until I had time to find out if there was something with the ex. Also I told him I couldn't choose one of them until I got a romantic "date" type thing with each of them....So the plan was that for now nothing with us will change and we will go on as we have been. And when we see each other face to face again then we'll go from there. When I get to spend more time with my ex and him in a romantic evening fashion then I will choose.
Well Michael and I got into a huge fight last night over this. Like much yelling and bull shits and just lots of bad stuff was said. I sent him a text this am (he is in AIT now so he can have his phone most of the time) saying I was sorry for how I said things but not for saying them. One of his things was I keep throwing in his face how I can't make up my mind. But I believe with all my heart that I don't do that. Yes I have talked about my ex to him. but he asked me about him, and it was relivent to the conversation we were having at the times. i got angry and had to be a bitch in order to be heard. I felt like he was only seeing his side and wasn't bothering to listen to me at all. And that plus some of the things he was saying really hurt me. I just don't know what to do. I am tired of people telling me to be strong for him, and that I have to just let things go because he is risking his life and could be killed at any moment. I understand that. believe me I know that it only takes one mistake, one second for him to be gone forever... But at the same time I felt like I wasn't important enough to be listened to. Or to even have my feeling thought about. God. This just over all sucks ass. Any ways....I bet the isn't anyone who reads this but me. I'm gunna go. I have a meeting with Paul (teacher)to learn IPA and talk about next year. Bye all and remember,
We're all a little mad here.
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