Wow....Resently I feel like I have been trying to forgive myself for just being around. Kinda like I'm a waste of a person. I have a few close friends. Not many people really know my name. Now I understand life isn't about that but still. I dono all boy drama aside I feel lost as a person. College isn't what I really wanted with my life. I wanted a family of my own. I wanted to work in disney, scrapbook, dance, get married, be a mother. I wanted that not more school. I just dono any more. I worry that the life I want is slipping away from me and there isn't anything I can do about it.
Gah if my sister read this she would say, "You can't have babies until your age begins with a 3!" But again I don't want what she wants with life. I want to be a mother. I wanna spend hours making the perfect Valentine's day box and birthday invites and party hats, and endless nights of no sleep, and making the baby blanket, and just doing mommy things. Ug. Life is so different now then it used to be. If I lived in the 18oo's I can bet that I would be saying I want to go to more school since I would be forced to be a mother of at least one by now. But Idk about that either. The kind of person that I am needs to take care of people. As sad as it sounds I need to be needed.
Ug. I need to work on a paper and just scrapbook now. I feel so stressed out! Ug. By all and remember we're all a little mad here.
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